Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
