I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
