I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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