Betty ford says i'm here all night
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
