i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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