Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
