i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
