yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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