that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
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and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
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The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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