I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
