she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
