I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
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Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
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You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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