please come you make the beer taste better
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
