i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
