When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
