Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We smell like vodka and hangover
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