Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize