"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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