is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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