I just pynch a tree in the face
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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