dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
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My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
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We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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