I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
