We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
