my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
