So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
