my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
