yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
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I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
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My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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