How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
