i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
