It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
