Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
