and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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