Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
