why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
