Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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