I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
