You're so nebulous sometimes
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
How does it feel to date your dad?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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