have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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