There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
