I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
