When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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