So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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