I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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