I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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