I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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