He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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