that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
