Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
