We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
