Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
