Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
