i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
