White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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