I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
