But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
