toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Define "chronic" masturbator.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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