Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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