k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
