I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
