my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
When did angry sex become our thing?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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