Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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