I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
BRING THE BAGELS
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize