It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
